A wellness coach can do many things to help you and few that are not beneficial to you. There are 12 areas or activities that instructors at the Cooper Institute teach their coaches to avoid. A coach is not a therapist, dietitian or teacher.

A coach should not:

1. Order, directly tell you, or command you in any activity. You should pick it and they should help you define your choice, make a plan and help you be accountable.

2. A coach should not warn you or threaten you. They should encourage you and help you see the big picture.

3. Wellness coaches should not give advice, suggestions or solutions to problems. You usually know what you need to do, but you need help in discussing aloud your desire, different options, formulation of a plan to achieve a desired outcome and a time table for that outcome.

4. A coach should not persuade or lecture you. It is your life to live. If you have issues that are unresolved you need a therapist. If you have goals to achieve you need a coach.

5. A wellness coach should not moralize, preach, fix or convert you. If you eat meat and the coach does not, the coach isn’t to persuade you to give up meat. They are to help you find a balanced diet that suits you and your goals.

6. A coach is not to blame, criticize, or judge.

7. A coach is to help you rise to a challenge. People need external reinforcement to get there. Your coach should not sabotage your effort through praise, agreement or approval of where you are if you want to change.

8. A coach should be your guide and not shame you, ridicule you or label you.

9. It isn’t the coach’s job to reassure you, sympathize with you in your struggle, or console you. The coach should help you set goals, make a plan and help you be accountable. If you are on track, the coach will tell you and that may sound like praise but it is feedback. You will know when you don’t meet a goal you set because you will be accountable and tell the coach not visa versa.

10. The coach will not probe or drill you. Got an issue, a counselor can probe. Your coach may have some training in this area also but if you want them to wear that hat it is a different visit and a different format and a different charge.

11. A coach will not humor you. They should do their best to guide you and help you think clearly and appropriately about your goal and your progress. If it isn’t happening, you will know and they will agree.

12. When you are being coached, the coach should give you complete and full attention. You will know by feedback if they aren’t and that is the time to get another one. Anyone can get distracted occasionally. I sometimes am processing what a patient said only to realize I missed their last statement, but I stop them, regroup and then get them to repeat and bring me up to speed with their train of thought.

You should realize a coach will not help you to harm yourself or anyone else or do anything illegal. They should make that known up front in writing and have you sign a document that you understand those principles and agree with them.

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